Thursday, July 31

rape the sun set the goal

this street is narrower than it was yesterday. i used to walk the road just fine. now i'm hitting the walls and getting these sour scratches that bleed underneath the skin. i guess there comes a time when the path narrows and so do your perspectives. you get only one out of two. not you, stupid. i do. i get one out of two. if i struggle hard enough i could get both. but do i want to? yeah, i think i do.

this street is darker than it was yesterday. i used to see the road just fine. now i'm blinded by the darkness and my eyes hurt even harder than if they would have been blinded by light. i guess there comes a time when the light darkens and so do your options. you get none. not you, stupid. i do. i get none. if i struggle hard enough i could get one. but do i want to? yeah, i think i do.

this street smells heavier than it did yesterday. i used to inhale the odor just fine. now my nostrils stop to repute every scent until they sting with despisement. i guess there comes a time when trouble smells like shit and so do your plans. you get some. not you, stupid. i do. i get some. if i struggle hard enough i could get some more. but do i want to? yeah, i think i do.

this street is mine-er than it was yesterday. i used to let it be walked down on just fine. now i just let it be walked up on. i guess there comes a time when sun gets up and stays there and so do you. you stay up. not you stupid, i do. i'm up. if i struggle hard enough i could get upper. but do you want me to?

Sunday, July 27

Past Lives PART 8

As time advances skin shrivels and memories faint. Our past becomes this pair of binoculars that see shattered images of our life, which sometimes look like dreams. Might seem like other people’s dreams. People as familiar to us as ourselves. Perhaps ourselves in other lives. Our life in Past Lives. This is one of the past life stories of David, a 35 years old Australian who tries to understand himself through Past Life Regression (PLR).



David’s Past Lives is a collection of stories that stretches over different historical time lines, continents and blogs. This will be the 8th. For life number 1 please go to PART 1 - Lillys Life, Australia




" I can't move my arms. I'm trapped. Water is rising to my neck. Mama…all I can think of is mama…and Lilly……."





Dr. Marlowe: Where are you, David?




My ears are subdued by this voice that speaks from beyond my reasoning: w-h-e-r-e-a-r-e-y-o-u? I hear it, and almost distinguish the letters and their sense, but when it finally reaches me, I lose it.




I open my eyes and everything around me is blurry.




It must be this wine. Although the bottle seems rather trustworthy by the looks of its label: 1956 Romanian wine - 16 years old. I’m only 3 years older than this wine, is this supposed to make me better?


Now I remember.


I’ve been out drinking all night. Oh sweet Bucharest October. You always sweep me off my feet…13th October 1972. But whatever happened to the 12th?


Of course, it’s all coming back to me: I was at that precious winery on Victoriei sipping from grapes nipples all night long. Morning Dawn… what an explicit name. I took this bottle on my way out. And there was this girl too…We even kissed... I love my life!


Only I’ve had too much to drink this time. Oh my head hurts like crazy. I need to pull myself together.


What time is it? My watch has stopped. Oh Dear God, have you been drinking, too? I don’t remember dipping my watch hand into the big wine barrels. And even if I did remember, I would deny it with the grace of the great artist that I am.


Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.


No time for yawning. I have to get back to work.


What was I thinking? Drinking recklessly. My character depends on me. And so do the poor ignorant people that are depending on my writing.


Open the door! You hear me? Open the door you little rat. If you ever want to be writing that piece of crap you so call People’s Column you’d better move your fingers towards the knob and open this door at once.


I’m Coming! What is the matter?


Are you Matei Limpezeanu?


Yes. The one and only. The artist.


Well I’m afraid your artist days have just finished. Put a shirt on and follow me.


Hey. Is this some kind of joke? Are you the police? The militia?


I am a respectable citizen. I have just got back from Paris where I have studied violin and I recently landed a spot on the national philharmonic. I’m on my way to being first soloist.


Yeah, yeah. I’m impressed. Not. I know you’re just this up and coming young journalist dreaming to be playwright. Besides, you should have thought of your career when you were feeling my boss’s daughter last night. Remember? Morning Dawn? Not only have you made a complete arse of yourself, but you also left there with Clara. My boss’s 16 years old daughter. Where is she?


16? So she’s the same age as the wine. Now that’s more than a mere coincidence. Where is she by the way?


Dead. She was found dead on an alley close to Victoriei about 5 hours ago. That’s pretty close from here. Guess what? In less than an hour you’ll be dead too.


Wait a minute. Let’s not get hasty here. I don’t remember anything from last night. I mean, I remember leaving MD with a girl and a bottle of wine. The wine is still here as you can see. But I can’t remember bringing the girl here. I guess she got lost on the way.


This is not the time to be funny Mr. Journalist. Although I’ve heard you’re struggling with your new material. Your play that’s supposed to bring down The Boss? Aren’t you a little young to be playing with the big boys? This is not the high school theatre, you know?


OK. Now I get it. It’s that boss. Hey listen let’s be reasonable here. You don’t need to hurt me. I don’t know anything about no girl. Clara is a nice name. I might use it in my play. If only I could finish it. This character is killing me. Instead of me giving birth to him, I guess he will end up ending me. The never-ending-hard-filling blank page is like a lustless virgin woman. Like Clara come to think of it.


You could turn out a good writer. But who am I to say when I bring in bad news: you won’t finish the play cause I’m about to finish you. There is no Clara. She’s just a pretext. Move! Get dressed and let’s go.


Ooo. There’s no need for a gun. I’m moving. I’ve heard about people disappearing, I even had an act on the subject prepared for my play. My character, a journalist as well was going to disappear and big fists were shoved in his mouth. That’s a metaphor believe it or not.


Very close to reality. Only you’ll have a gun shoved in your mouth. It’s the way it has to be. Scum like you, pretending to reveal the truth disgust me. Too bad you’re only 19. you could have made a nice party member. Maybe could have written some nice hymns for the boss. For children to sing each year on the 23rd of August!


I’d rather end up like my character. And like Clara.


Take him boys.


I could not have put it better in my play. I guess I am the character after all.


You’re going to kill me on the back alley? Aaaaa!! What was that noise?


Hey, you’re hurting me. Oh. My head! I’m dizzy. I can’t hear a sound and funny enough I can still hear myself think. It’s so hot. This water running down the back of my head seems boiled. It’s going to burn me. If only I could remove it with my hand. It’s thick burning water. Oh no! It’s blood and there’s Clara..


To read PART 9 of David's journey you will be travelling to LouCeel, Illinois. David's next PLR Session is in the next couple of days so check back to find out where his past life journey takes him.

If you would like to contribute to the story and join in David's journey, please email lillyslife@gmail.com or go to The Red Chair Gallery.

Monday, July 7

the sooner they come the harder they bum

Charlie was sitting in front of the coffeehouse. very sad and wasted after the other night's party. it had been her 27th birthday, the longest and saddest party of all.

there had been all her friends best and worst, declared and alleged enemies. all the people she had met during her stay in that life had come to celebrate her 2.7 version release.

the night had passed and she was all alone on an alley in front of the used-to-be-her-b-day-party-location. she was holding a plastic coffee cup yet oddly enough it was not filled with coffee, but with whiskey.

she took one sip, grunted as hell and felt the harsh burning sensation down her throat. she tried to spit it all out. and then she remembered: it had been him who had given her the cup. right before he had left. he muttered some: happy wishing to you my love, and gave her the cup as if it had been some sort of very expensive gift that she should have treasured forever.

that ugly tiny sip made it all profusely come back to her: the 2.7 release, the friends to whom she had shown only part of herself and had no clue of who she really was, the good time she had wasted and the bad time that had detained her from wasting more good one, the people hating her for what she had never been, the ones loving her for exactly the same cause, the boyfriend she loved for all the wrong reasons (he wasn't the right guy after all, but that was even more no excuse for her oblivion).

she kneeled down to forensicaly examine the pavement in search of a revelation, an epiphany...it failed to appear like everything else she had expected. the sun was rising up over the buildings and over her head as well. and so did the awaited sign: her phone beeped.

boyfriend calling:

Hi babe, I have misplaced my plastic cup. have you seen it?

I'm holding it and was about to throw it away. need it?

Badly.

Oops, I've dropped it. sorry. you should get another one. besides, it was plastic anyway. i thought you didn't like cheap.

not when it comes to people, but objects i can handle. speaking of cheap, you looked lovely last night. i bet you still do, even now hangovered as hell. you were quite the drinker.

only celebrating. you know me, i need to reinstate myself every year.

as a drunk?

as myself. i think this year i'm finally over you.

i bet this was your birthday wish. and i don't want to rain on your birthday parade, but it won't happen. you know you're hooked.

perhaps. but not by you. or with you. you just happened to represent what i thought i was looking for.

what a lovely theory. came up with that all by yourself? i'm sorry to say it, but you're not tough outside the words that make up this theory and you'll end up crying yourself to sleep over me. and it's a shame to do that. especially after having drunk so much last night. you'll give yourself a very bad headache.

what the fuck do you want, by the way? why did you call. you gave me the fuckin cup last night and told me it was my birthday present. thanks! it's nice. i'll take it home wit me. anything else?

yeah. i was thinking to fuck you up even more and sing some Van McCoy to you.

baby i'm yours? could you possibly be more of a sleazy jerk?

you know i have no limits when it comes to you. baby. in other words, until I die.

don't make me wish for that.

Charles, you have to get used to it: i'm here to hurt you, you're here to take it, i'm here to like it, you're here to fake it, but at the end of the day it's just me being here and you being nowhere without me.

(she clears her throat): so..will ya sing it? with the backing and all? until eternity?

i could. i can. are you sure you want me to?

until 2 and 2 is 3.

here it goes:

stop. don't. please. you'll just ruin it. can't you see that the beauty of it all is captured in that song only. you simply can't just go around and fuck people up with other people's songs.

i'll do a cover of it. just for you.

you can cover up your tracks and get out of my life. backwards. i'll let you wave me good bye. i'll even smile. and who knows? i even might play baby i'm yours as the soundtrack. just to make it a little emotional. and you know what? i'll even give you the cup back. cause there's nothing i want to from you. nothing else i mean. i got my birthday present, babe. i got myself back to me. so bye. in other words, until eternity

she lets the phone slip inside her back pocket and herself slip out of the alley.

the cup is watching her from behind as she walks away.

Tuesday, July 1

what if as if?

coco nuts have coco babies

lines should always be final

mice could not possibly be mean

big mouths cry for big words

green eyes ejaculate charms

snakes travel in skins

love is not blind for moles

daffodils never argue

zebras are allowed to make fun of dalmatians

hazel can't go nuts

lizards don't wear slippers

hedgehogs should not go missionary

a fine is never fine

my other self is otherwiser