shrink love, shrink

Hi Doc,

I got more to thinking and I think I’ve figured out my problem. Our problems to be more precise. I can't romance and I can't relate. And at the same time I’m a sucker for boys. How’s that for contradicting terms. Paradox. That’s my sign. At times I think it's just an unconscious statement of coolness and uniqueness I try to make. So that suckers around me remain mouth open and watch me in admiration. Oh. But after the curtains go down. I’m just the same old sad clown.
Yesterday I cried. First time in 5 months. I’ve missed it. Why? I don't know. It sets me free. For no reason. I wasn't even listening to a mooshy song. Just cried out of missing crying. How did that make me feel? Stupid and proud. Felt like I still had a last decent grain of humanity in me. Then I wiped my face clean and popped a gum balloon. Intense, I know.
I miss your conclusions. The ones that you never gave me to be honest. You just listened and summarized. But what about your take on this? What’s your take on me? On us?
I have to go now. But let me ask you this before I go: do we stand a chance? Could we make it? Or at least one of us if not both?
Waiting for you to shrink our head.
Not truly, yet passionately interested.
Same-not-so-old me

Having read that, Sebastian looked out the window. It was high time he went home. Most probably to get high. For a moment he had the intention to press reply and start making up this nice convincing pep talk that all his rich clients paid him for. Although, come to think of it, he had not charged her any money, or them as she would have insisted. He kindly smiled to the small laptop screen as if she might get it from behind the screen she had used to get the message across. Rubbed his hands together and decided to call it a day.

He was the type of pleasing-all-tastes kinda guy. Heads turned for him every time he walked. He was not handsome. Some might have said he was ugly. But the confidence he would breathe made him sexy as hell. Not to mention the fact he could get inside any smart woman’s head (he was not up to the challenge of wasting time with anything less) by a finger snap. He would seem to be toying with all the female companions, as his mother would like to call them. When in fact he was merely advising them. Naturally you would think he was gay as a singing tweak. Nope. He just had his share and had enough of drama. That’s why her email made him smile.

As he was stepping out of the 3 floor building that played host to his “small business” her written words rang visually in his head: I can’t romance and I can’t relate.

In a normal patient-doctor situation he would have replied with the caring-empathetic-professionally-distant-yet-friendly-enough speech to set her/their mind at ease. This was not that normal situation. She had intrigued him, although he hadn’t set eyes on her for 6 years now and he was the visual type of intriguee. What was the most intriguing was the fact that for the first time in his many other times he could not put his finger on what was so enticing about this girl: her split personality? Fuck no. He had dealt with far more split and multiplied acts before and fought his way out of them as quick as one could say: house call.

So not the looks, not the loony bit, not her stories that she had been virtually feeding him over the last emailing months. But she had something that made him wonder: did they stand a chance?

…to be continued